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Insurance Humor

Here is a collection of insurance humor that I have collected over many years. Like most humor, much of it has been around for a long time and has probably been modified countless times to suit each speakers needs. I have no idea who originated any of them. If you have some great insurance humor that you would like to see here, I would be happy to consider it and if I list it, I’ll add you name as "Contributor." Please, no silly auto claims stories.

 

 

Three friends are sitting at a bar and they’ve obviously had a few drinks. On the other side of the bar sits a man with long flowing hair and a rough white robe. Friend #1 calls the bartender over and say, "Bring my friends and I another round and I’m buying a drink for Jesus to." The bartender rolls his eyes and brings a drink to the man with the long hair and robe.

A few minutes pass and the man with the hair and the robe gets up and approaches the three friends. He shakes Friend #1’s hand and says, "Thank you my son for being so generous." Immediately Friend #1 says, "That’s amazing. I’ve had arthritis in this hand for many years. Now it’s completely gone."

Friend #2 has been watching this and says, "That’s incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it." The man with the hair and the robe approaches him, puts a hand on his shoulder and says, "My son, good things come to those who have faith." Friend #2 eyes widen as he says, "I can’t believe it. I’ve had bursitis in that shoulder for over 10 years. It’s extremely painful and now I’m completely cured!"

Friend #3 has been watching the action with utter amazement. Suddenly he jumps up from his stool and shouts, "Stay away from me. Stay away from me. I’m off on Worker’s Comp!!!!!!

                                                      Contributed By- Michael D'Orlando

 

 

A very new agent enters his manager's office, hands him a signed application, and in an excited voice says: "Boss, here's my ice breaker."

The manager says: "Where's the urine specimen.  You haven't paid much attention to your training or you would know that it's a requirement.  Go back to the client and get the specimen and make sure you remember the next time."  

The Rookie says: "Yes boss!  I'll make sure of that!"

After several days the rookie staggers into the manager's office lugging a 5-gallon bucket.  The manager exclaimed:  "What the hell is that!"  The rookies replies: "Well, I just signed up my first group case!"

                                                       Contributed by- Duke Wilwayco

 

A doctor, engineer, and insurance professional were debating which profession was the oldest on earth.  The doctor said God cut a rib out of Adam to make Eve, and that made God a surgeon, and voila medicine is the oldest profession.

The engineer claimed that before Adam there was chaos, and God created order out of chaos, and therefore God was an engineer and thus engineering is the oldest profession.

And the insurance professional wanting to be declared the winner cried out: "Who do you think was responsible for the chaos?"

                                         Contributed by- Kenneth R. Dauscher, Ph.D., CPCU, AIM 

 
 

An actuary is walking down the corridor when he feels a twinge in his chest. Immediately, he runs to the stairwell and hurls himself down. His friend, visiting him in the hospital, asks why he did that. The actuary replies, "The chances of having a heart attack and falling down the stairs are much lower than the chances of having a heart attack only."

 
 

Three insurance executives chartered a small plane to hunt moose in Alaska. As the pilot left them at a remote location, the last thing he said was, "Remember, this is a very small plane and I can only bring one moose back." The insurance executives had fantastic luck and they each killed a moose. When the pilot returned to take them back they talked him into putting all three moose onboard. Shortly after takeoff, the plane stalled and crashed. One of the executives staggered out of the wreckage and said, "Where the hell are we?" Another executive looked around and said, "We’re about 100 yards South of where we crashed last year!!

 
 
 
Did you hear about the young couple who took one of those expensive "Barefoot Cruises" in the South pacific? A sudden storm wrecked and sank their ship and they were stranded on a desert island. Cannibals inhabited the island and as the couple approached a village they saw a sign outside a hut. The hut was the butcher shop and the sign read:

CSR Brains $6.99 lb.
Loss Control Brains $9.99 lb.
Underwriters Brains $15.99 lb.
Claims Adjusters Brains $19.99 lb.
Insurance Executives’ Brains $89.99 lb.

The young couple studied the sign and the husband said to the butcher, "Wow those insurance executives brains must really be something." "Are you kidding!" said the butcher. "Do you know how many of them I have to kill to get a pound of brains?!!!!"

 
 

An actuary is walking down the corridor when he feels a twinge in his chest. Immediately, he runs to the stairwell and hurls himself down. His friend, visiting him in the hospital, asks why he did that. The actuary replies, "The chances of having a heart attack and falling down the stairs are much lower than the chances of having a heart attack only."